Friday, July 2, 2010

Our Town Mayor Could Prove to Be a Real Dog

Orcas Island, WA—A hairy political battle for Mayor of Eastsound is being fought tooth and claw here in the San Juan Islands as candidates get in their final purrs and moos. Official voting wraps up tomorrow, following the Fourth of July Parade.

The ballot boxes around town are filling up. At the rate of $1 per vote, this is one political race where money talks. There are no bothersome residency restrictions to contend with and you may stuff the ballot box with as much cash as you want. Not one of these incorruptible candidates will ever make hay with the funds. One hundred percent of the proceeds go to a most worthy cause, the Children’s House School. Vote online at

From a political standpoint, the burning question is: will Eastsound go to the dogs once again? Retiring mayor Dakota, a gentle giant of a yellow lab, has put out a woof on it. The sleek black lab Clara, has a big campaign budget judging from her artful signage out on the streets. However, political pundits around the hamlet are saying that the ticket might be split among dog lovers due to the entry of the popular and well mannered border collie Lucky Lu, whose distinguished countenance and calm demeanor has graced many a previous Fourth of July Parade. Lu has it in her genes to round up the votes.

The cat people are behind Tractor. Insiders say Tractor is not nearly as ferocious as she looks; Tractor can be cute and playful, although, being a cat, she’s sure to run the town with an iron paw. Tractor is the true middle of the road candidate, her backers say, appealing to both Democats and Republifelines.

Not to be overlooked is the woolliest candidate in the race, Bossy, who is not nearly as sheepish as she appears. Bossy will give you the coat off her back and that is a fact say her defenders. Bossy’s generosity may well be what Eastsound needs. She’s the true candidate for these hard times and she’ll never pull the wool over her constituents’ eyes.

Then there’s April, a perennial favorite and also the most mature candidate in the race. For close to twenty years, April has been queen of a huge field overlooking Eastsound. April deserves the Mayor’s title because she’s the only contender who actually lives inside the city limits say the traditional voters. April is not only udderly incorruptible, but also will never milk the public. Vote April and the bull stops with her.

My feeling is, this race will remain an extremely close call unless it goes national, whereupon that huge political network might throw the race to April on the strength of her natural ability to process methane gas, which could be more cheaply turned into bio fuel than ethanol.. You know the organization I’m talking about: Mooove Haven’t decided whom to vote for? Neither have I. However, I’m not above trading favors and voting for critter in the race, so if you’d care to pick up one of my hot mystery novels at Booth 24 at the Orcas Historical Museum fair tomorrow between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. on the Eastsound Green, I’m not above trading favors.

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